I’m still shocked and saddened by Tom Brokaw’s radio message. Here’s the link to my previous post, just in case you missed it. If I could sit down with him, I’d explain that this is what he needs to know.Weight is the easiest target. It’s the first thing people use to bring you to your knees. It’s the last socially acceptable form of bullying in our culture. People think it’s perfectly acceptable to gasp, giggle, snicker or point at an overweight person. They don’t think twice about making rude comments (online and in person).
No one bats an eye. Sure it makes some people uncomfortable, but by and large no one says a word. Often we join in – smile, fake an uncomfortable laugh or actually make mean comments because we don’t want to be the next target.
The only people offended are fat people and it’s been previously established that they are less than the rest of us and don’t have any feelings. So it’s ok, right?
NO! It’s definitely not ok.
The truth is that most people feel some shame and discomfort about their bodies and/or their weight.
The funny thing (funny “interesting” – not funny “ha-ha”) is that you don’t have to be overweight to feel the shame. Many people feel the fear and shame of BECOMING fat because they don’t want to ever get there. As if it’s a destination.
They don’t want to be teased. They don’t want the shame. They witness everyday what other people say about overweight people and they DO NOT want to be included in that group.
The root of most of the pain is what will other people think? What if someone says something mean to me? What if they say something mean about me? What if they don’t think I’m beautiful? What if they really see me?
These are the exact types of scenarios that run through our heads every day from the moment we wake up until the minute we go to bed. We worry about OTHER people and how they will treat us and we let that determine how we treat ourselves.
So we hide. As best we can. We hide in baggy clothing. We hide by staying quiet. We hide by not taking chances. We hide by not standing up for what we believe in. We hide by not living our dreams. We hide by not taking the job or going on the date or taking the trip. We hide. We miss out. We are miserable.
All because we live in fear of being ridiculed, bullied, belittled or shamed.
We live in fear of what someone else thinks. We live in fear of what someone else may or may not do. We live in fear to protect ourselves. But we aren’t protecting ourselves – we are hiding and living small. The hiding is not safety. It’s further torture to our souls.
The truth is that we cannot control other people. As much as we’d like to, we don’t have that power. We can only control ourselves and what WE think. But that’s another blog post…
So messages like Tom Brokaw’s are dangerous because it tells people that it’s acceptable to shame someone if their physical appearance doesn’t meet our society’s definition of beauty.
Who decides that’s the definition anyway? The media perpetuates it. Children absorb it. Adults strive for it.
It’s not realistic. It’s maddening. It’s crazy making.
If you buy into all of that crap.
People are beautiful and worthy no matter what size pants they wear.
Feeling good about yourself, just the way you are, in this moment is the only way to live. You have to love yourself in order to want to make any lasting change. Love like this, is an inside job. It can’t be dependent or rely on anything from the outside world.
Fix the inside and the outside will follow.
My mission in life is to end body hatred.
I am not confused.
I recently heard a radio message from Tom Brokaw described as an “American Story.” In this story he urged the American people to bully fat people so they become thin!!! ARE YOU F@#&ing KIDDING ME???
I have always had a tremendous amount of respect for Mr. Brokaw as a journalist. I felt he could be trusted and reliable. NOT ANYMORE! You lost me, Tom.
The story was about how when he was a boy he and his friends were active and ate as much as they wanted. They were never overweight. His exact words that sent me through the roof were “let’s make obesity socially unacceptable.”
When in the hell did it become socially acceptable? Because I missed that memo. I’ve been battling my weight for almost my entire life and I can tell you I’ve never felt socially accepted. NEVER.
Tom Brokaw is not doing anyone any favors by enlisting people to fat shame overweight people into becoming thin. I’m most offended by the fact that he’s never battled his weight so he has no idea what it’s like to be overweight and yet he makes a call to action for the American People to make obesity socially unacceptable. WHAT??
Whether these are his beliefs or someone wrote this for him – it’s completely unacceptable!
Brené Brown talks about how people struggling with their weight need shame, like a man dying of thirst needs salt water. Exactly.
I created the image above because I love the quote so much. It’s from J.K. Rowling (author of Harry Potter), “Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.” I guess Tom Brokaw doesn’t share her sentiments. Apparently being fat is the worst thing to him.
I think the real reason this is hitting nerve with me is that I’m finally on a path of self-acceptance, compassion and understanding and it infuriates me that other people feel they have the right to judge me on my appearance. They feel they have the right to comment on my appearance, they feel they have the right to bully, tease, and ridicule me, belittle and mock me because of my appearance and they are being sanctioned by none other than TOM BROKAW! WRONG!
I’m a FUCKING great person. I’m generous, kind and caring! Don’t judge me by my beautiful exterior. I’m so much more!
This is insanity! The answer to solving the obesity epidemic is NOT fat shaming! The answer is within each of us struggling with our weight. It starts with kindness. We need to find our own worthiness and make changes because we love ourselves. We need to stop crash dieting, cleansing, starving, taking magic pills and shakes to lose weight. It will never work until we figure out why we are overeating in the first place and we will never figure it out as long as we are being fat shamed by society. It’s the last socially acceptable form of bullying. And it needs to stop NOW!
So I’ll leave you with this…not one person who is overweight isn’t aware of it. We know. We don’t need your shame. If we ask for your help, please provide assistance without judgment or condescension. If we don’t ask for help, we don’t need you to point it out for us. Just love us unconditionally. Hopefully, we are figuring it out for ourselves. I know it took me a long time to find my worthiness. I don’t have it all figured it out yet, but I’m a hell of a lot further along than I was a few years ago.
The real answer to obesity starts with you – self-love, self-compassion, self-acceptance. Once you accept yourself for who you are, the way you are, things will change! Trust me. As a Certified Life Coach, I can tell you that when you look at your self-worth and really question what’s going on in your life, things will shift for you. Powerful questions will unlock your answers, not a fist full of shame. Once you get so tired of feeling bad about yourself, you’ll be willing to seek the answers that have eluded you for so long.
Do things for yourself, not because you’re being bullied, not because someone else thinks you should, not because you want someone to love you – do it for you and only you!!
When you make changes from a place of peace, happiness and love – the results will be lasting. Not temporary. When you are doing things for you and not someone else, the changes will be easier.
And screw what Tom Brokaw has to say!