Dear Mean Girl,
It’s come to my attention that you are so happy to now be in the presence of “another pretty girl.”
I had to stop myself…Ummmm, what did she say? I think I need to have my hearing checked.
This was another one of those ARE YOU KIDDING ME moments!
I’m a shocked and appalled that a woman would say that. Clearly the message is that the other women around her were not up to “her standards” – which are what? Shallow and superficial? I think so.
How does someone utter those words out loud? More importantly, why would someone utter those words?
The short answer is because they are unhappy with themselves.
The human part of me had a lot of expletives to say…that’s just how I roll when I’m shocked to my core. And I’m not going to lie, my feelings were a little hurt.
The coach part of me quickly jumped in and started asking questions…because that’s what coaches do 
After a few questions like “Whose business am I in?” And “Why do I care what she thinks? “ I calmed down and realized that she’s insecure.
Just because I do not fit her definition of beauty doesn’t mean I’m not “pretty,” Because I am!
So, after a shit ton of curse words, some coaching and a few deep breaths – I appreciated that these moments happen for my benefit.
They happen to test me.
They happen to see if I’m going to betray myself. To see if I’m going to fall back into old habits of thinking that someone else knows more than me and their definitions of beauty, brains and life (or whatever) are more accurate than mine.
Are her opinions more important than mine? Certainly not!
What makes her an expert on “pretty?” Nothing…it’s just her opinion and she’s entitled to it. I may not like it or agree with it, but she can think whatever she wants.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” Eleanor was so wise.
Beauty is not only on the outside. It’s an inside job too.
As a beautiful woman, I believe that beauty on the inside in far more important. I’m blessed to be both I didn’t always feel that way, but I do now.
I feel sadness for the woman who said that she was “so happy to have another pretty girl around.” It tells me that she’s insecure and hurting. That’s the only reason someone would say something like that. My coaching hunch tells me that she’s trying to feel superior by judging others based on their looks.
Go right ahead…
I’ve got news for you sweetheart, external beauty fades. What’s on the insides is what counts.
Rise up and support other women.
It’s the only way I want to be!
I want every woman to KNOW that she’s beautiful.
It’s easy to be critical and judgmental.
Truthfully, it’s not that hard to be kind and supportive. But it does help if you’re secure and confident in your own skin.
To build confidence and courage – look within yourself and appreciate your unique gifts. Celebrate what you do really well, it’s not arrogant, it’s self-worth.
Remember, you can’t build yourself up by tearing others down.
Let’s build each other up. It starts with each one of us. Let’s start today!
Sincerely,
Prettier than she’ll ever know
“One degree or one millimeter … of perception change or angle change, means the difference between success and failure, moving on or staying stuck.” Tony Robbins
I once heard a fantastic coach, Renee Sievert, say if you were sailing from San Diego to Hawaii and you changed your course by one degree you would miss Hawaii. That hit me! WOW!
A small shift – of one degree could make the difference between getting to your destination and not.
That got me thinking…what about small changes in our lives. I had always thought that I needed to change everything and it needed to be a complete overhaul!
That kind of change is hard and trust me when I say, it’s not sustainable. No change that I have ever made that lasted was a complete 180! The changes that have stuck have been the small ones. The little shifts in my thinking. The small tweaks to my behavior or the one degree shifts…
One degree or one millimeter of change can lead to huge changes in your life as well. If you make one small change and that leads you to feel good about yourself, you’ll make another small change and it builds from there.
Don’t discount small changes. It’s better than no change. Give small change a chance…
This is Brené Brown’s authenticity mantra and I’ve made it mine too! It works magic I swear!! This is my all-time favorite mantra when I’m feeling uncomfortable in a situation.
I love this quote or mantra because it reminds me that I’m good enough just the way I am. I don’t have to become invisible or pretend I’m better than I am to be accepted. I just need to be me.
Here’s how I break down the pieces:
Don’t shrink means don’t try to become smaller or invisible or crawl into a hole.
Don’t puff up means that I don’t have to try to be something that I’m not or pretend that I’m better that anyone else.
Just stand your sacred ground means that I’m good enough just the way I am.
This mantra has gotten me through some crazy situations in the past where I would have run away or not shown up when I felt uncomfortable. That sucks because I miss out and I don’t want to miss anything.
A while ago, I was going to a party with some new friends. I pulled up to this beautiful home and I immediately felt small, like I didn’t belong. I sat in my car for a minute, I considered leaving and making up some excuse about why I hadn’t shown up.
I felt my head drop, my shoulders roll inward and my back hunch – I felt small. I remembered this mantra and I repeated it to myself a few times. I moved my head from side to side; I scrunched my shoulders up and down – all of a sudden was ready to do into the party.
Something magical happened in that moment – it was the first time I was able to shake off the shame of not feeling good enough and carry on with what I really wanted to do! That was success! I went into the party, met some fabulous people and had a great evening!
I often think back to that night and all of fun I would have missed if I had allowed myself to feel small and shrink. Thankfully, I don’t have to do that anymore and neither do you.
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I love this quote because it reminds me that I have the power to change things. If you watch the news, read the newspaper or even look at Facebook – it can be filled with negative images, stories, sadness, etc… It’s too much for me sometimes. I want people to be kind and compassionate to one another. I want the world to be better.
I can be the change I want to see. It starts with you and me. We can be more compassionate and kind to people we encounter. Something as small as a smile to someone you pass in the parking garage or a thank you to the crossing guard or a kind note to a teacher. Just taking the time to acknowledge their presence, makes the world a better place. This week I saw an elderly man having a difficult time trying to stand up. I whispered to my husband to help him. The man was so appreciative. That small act of helping out another person made my day. That’s the change I want to be.
We can be positive when others around are negative. We can choose to be kind when the world is cruel.
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I am often asked, what is a life coach? The simplest answer is that I help people figure out what they want most out of life, what’s getting in the way of them having it and how they can get it.
My clients are people who might feel stuck or overwhelmed or simply want to make a change in their lives and they don’t know where to start. I help them find clarity about their dreams and goals to end personal struggles and create well-being.
Hiring a coach changed my life! That’s why I’m so passionate about coaching! I’ve seen what a difference it can make in your everyday life. It has shifted the way I think, feel and react. I’ve never been happier and you can be too!
Have you ever said any of the following:
- I want to lose weight.
- I want to love my body.
- I want to feel great in my clothes.
- I want to create the life you’ve always dreamed about.
- I want more abundance in my life.
- I’m uninspired at work and I want to look for a new job.
- I want to summon more courage in my life.
- I feel overwhelmed and I want to feel more peaceful.
- I want to discover my strengths and how to utilize them.
- I want more time for myself.
- I feel stuck and don’t know what to do.
- I want to improve my relationships.
- I feel stressed and I want more peace.
- I want to have more fun.
- I want greater overall well-being.
- My inner voice is a mean girl and I want her to be quiet.
- I want to find the love of my life.
- I want to be a better version of myself.
- I want a better work/life balance.
- I want to understand why I think, feel and act the way I do.
- I’m hurt and I want to move past the hurt.
- I want more joy and happiness in my life.
- I want to be more successful in my career.
- I want to have a baby.
- I want to stop beating myself up.
- I don’t love what I do and I want to change careers.
- I want to set some goals and want a guide to achieve my goals.
- I beat myself up a lot and I want to stop “shoulding” on myself.
- I want to build more confidence.
And last but not least…
- I want to feel empowered, inspired and supported.
If you said “YES” to any of the reasons above, then I can help you. My calling is to help people live better, happier, more fulfilled lives. I’m ready – are you? Let’s get started! Contact me if you’re ready!
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Over the last three years, I’ve learned a lot. While becoming a Certified Life Coach, coaching tons of people and lots of work on myself – I’ve developed this tool kit for you!
In honor of my favorite day of the year, my birthday – March 22nd, I’m sharing with you the 22 things I know for sure. These are things my clients and I have applied and the results speak for themselves – happier, less stressful, more joy and more courage.
Print this out, hang it where you’ll see it, it can change your perspective and your life.
- Trust your struggle. Whatever you are struggling with will not go away until you learn what you need to. It can be your greatest gift and an amazing teacher if you allow it.
- Practice Gratitude. It’s the most powerful thing you can practice. Be thankful for everything you do have. Actively seek out all of the good things on a daily basis. This will help you stay focused in the present moment and stop anxiety. You physically cannot be anxious and grateful at the same time. Choose Gratitude.
- Love yourself. Be kind and compassionate to yourself like you would to a small child. Master that and you’ll be happier than you could have ever imagined.
- Have Faith. Everything will happen when it’s supposed to.
- Face Your Fear and Do It Anyway. Sometimes the things you think you don’t want to do – end up being some of the best experiences once you can get past your own stuff.
- What other people think of you is none of your business. I can you now, “Oh yes it is!” No actually, it isn’t. Stay in your own business – worry about yourself. What others are saying about you is completely irrelevant. You will never make everyone happy.
- Be kind to others. You don’t know what they’re battling. A smile could change someone’s life.
- Make time to spend with friends and family. It’s the best investment. At the end of the day there is nothing more important than your loved ones.
- Make decisions based on love, rather than out of fear. When you make decisions from a place of fear it feels heavy and hard. But when you make decisions based on love, it feels light and free. Love ALWAYS feels better.
- Do what you love even it’s not for money. The happiness of enjoying your passion will flow into other areas of your life and give exponential returns.
- Stop worrying. It doesn’t change anything – it’s just wasting energy. It’s like praying for exactly what you don’t want to happen. Focus that energy towards what you really want.
- Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. You are doing the best you can and you don’t know what’s really going on behind someone else’s closed doors.
- Take time to appreciate the small things in life. A sunny day, a warm breeze, a child’s laughter, silence, a warm blanket, a snuggly loving dog, a smile from a stranger, a good hug, doggy kisses, spring flowers, fresh snow, a rainy day, a hot bath, a nap, windows down on a nice day playing your favorite song in a clean car with a full tank of gas, impromptu happy hour, dance party, first kiss, the excitement of when a child sees you when you walk into a room – when we appreciate these small things the other stuff doesn’t seem so important.
- Have Fun. Life is meant to be fun and enjoyable, not exhausting and draining. No one gets out alive, so we might as well enjoy life for as long as we’re here and make the most of everything.
- Set your intentions. It’s the best way to get where you want to go. I know that ANYTHING is possible.
- Be willing to change. If you don’t like it – you have the power to change it. Change can be scary, but if you just put one foot in front of the other, one baby step at a time, you’ll find what you’re looking for. At the very least, figure out what you don’t want and that’s equally valuable.
- You can’t control other people. The more you try, the more crazy you’ll make yourself.
- You are responsible for how you feel. No one can make you feel anything unless you allow it. That’s great news because you’re in charge! Choose wisely.
- Everything is always happening for your benefit. There’s always a lesson or something you were meant to experience or someone you were meant to meet, etc. Everything happens for your highest good.
- Everyone makes mistakes. Own it and move on. Don’t make it mean anything about yourself or someone else. Mistakes happen, keep going.
- You get what you have the courage to ask for. Say what you need and ask for what you want. You’ll never know if you don’t ask. You might be surprised.
- Don’t make someone else’s opinion your reality. People will always have something to say about you or your life. They are living their lives and you can live yours any way you want. Don’t let their opinions impact how you feel about yourself or how you live your life. It’s just their opinion.
My hope is that these tips bring you some peace and courage into your life.
xoxo,
Shawna
This is the time of year when we make resolutions – to be thinner, richer, happier, more organized, etc… AND right about now is when the wheels start falling off of our resolutions.
New Year’s Resolutions probably started out as a good thing, but like so many things these days it’s morphed into a marketing campaign to sell people stuff. Stuff we don’t need, don’t want, but somehow through the “magic” of media, we are hypnotized into believing that we want/need all of that nonsense. It’s a huge mind game.
I personally have purchased every diet on the market – in addition to water bottles, yoga mats, running pants, exercise balls, weights, cords, shakes, systems, memberships – you name it, I’ve bought it!
New Year’s resolutions were always a fight for me. A fight between the person I was and the person I “thought” I SHOULD be. I felt like I never measured up, I was always falling short. I felt like crap.
And yet, EVERY YEAR, I would make the same resolutions again…to lose weight. Occasionally, I’d throw in something about saving more money because history had shown me that I would fail at losing weight, so I needed something to feel good about. FAIL!
The truth is that when you feel like a failure in one area, it carries over to other areas. I’ve never been good at saving money and I’ve never been successful at keeping the weight off. Shocker! Because I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. The shame was overwhelming and paralyzing.
By the time February rolled around, I was exhausted, mad and disappointed because I hadn’t lost enough weight to make myself or anyone around me happy. Once again, I failed.
The problem with resolutions is that they start with the premise that I must change because I’m not good enough the way I am or that I’m not worthy so I need to change as to BECOME worthy.
Well that just plain sucks! To start out anything with the mindset that I’m not good enough so I must change is a recipe for failure. And trust me I made that failure recipe EVERY year since I was 10 years old.
Here are the 5 reasons I don’t make resolutions:
- There’s nothing wrong with me.
- I am not broken.
- I am worthy.
- I am enough.
- If I want to change my life to be healthier, happier, stronger, save more money or be more organized I can do it any day, at any time. Not just on January 1 each year.
Not making resolutions isn’t burying my head in the sand…I suppose it could be, but it’s not for me. It’s about making a conscious choice to stop beating myself up, especially at the beginning of each New Year.
I’m not going to detox, starve, eat only celery sticks, work out until I pass out, try the latest fad diet or pills or shakes. I’m not doing any of it because it doesn’t serve me! There’s nothing wrong with me! There’s nothing wrong with you! Why do we make ourselves crazy over these resolutions? Just to fit what society tells us is beautiful, or enough?
I am DONE! I’m not doing this self-deprecating shit anymore!
Nope.
I’m going to be happy with who I am, just the way I am. Crazy idea, right?!?!
I am choosing to be happy with myself, my body and my life. I choose to not fight reality. As Byron Katie would say, I am choosing to love what is.
I can tell you that hating myself for more than 30 years hasn’t worked, so I’m taking a new approach.
A radical one. A simple one.
Love.
Love for myself. Love for my body. Love for those around me.
When I think like this it MAKES me want to be a better person. A person who smiles at strangers, holds the elevator door, says good morning to someone I pass on the stairs, offer to help an elderly person. It makes me want to go out of my way to be an EVEN better than I already am. It inspires me.
I was never inspired by any resolution I ever made.
I am also much kinder and more compassionate towards myself and that leads to really WANTING to do good things for my mind, body and spirit. That’s a breath of fresh air compared to the chocking self-hatred I used to endure.
This is the person I want to be. This is the person I already am. I am not my body. I am not my bank account. I am not my failures. I am not my successes. I am simply me.
And hating myself doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me nasty, critical, judgmental, anxious, frustrated, sad, lonely and tired. Really, really tired.
So no more, this is the year of Shawna. It can be the year of you too!
All you have to do is decide.
Declare it.
It doesn’t cost anything. You don’t have to go anywhere.
So forget the resolutions. Make a list of all things to love about yourself. Do something nice for someone else. Live your life knowing that you are worthy. Here’s a mantra that I say to myself when I’m stressed or worried or starting to be hard on myself:
I am perfect.
I am whole.
I am loved.
I am enough.
xoxo,
Shawna
2014 has had its ups and downs. I’ve been blessed with some amazing experiences. But I have a feeling 2015 will be even better!I started the year by creating a memory jar to capture all of the highlights during the year. As I’m reading through the moments tonight I’m realizing how fortunate I’ve been. It’s the small funny things that I had forgotten about that I love looking back on. We remember the big moments, but it’s the small ones we tend to forget.
I had a vision board workshop with some friends. During this workshop I created my 2014 vision board and so many things came true! A month after I made my board a found out about a beach house for sale and we bought it!!!!! A dream come true!
A few months later I met my idol and the woman who made a profound impact on my life Dr Brene Brown!!! Amazing!
I traveled to Boston, San Diego, Charlotte, New Jersey and Brooklyn, Denver, Massachusetts, Ocracoke, NC, Colonial Williamsburg, Ocean City, Maryland.
I created a 6 week class called Courage Camp that helped women find more courage in their lives. It was a huge success and led to so many great things.
I’ve taught a strengths workshop at my favorite hair salon.
I’ve coached some amazing people and been so honored that they allowed me into their worlds. It’s a pleasure doing the work I do especially since I do it with so many incredible people.
This year I also had some losses. I’ve had three aunts and a very dear friend pass away. I’ve been sad. It’s been hard. But I’ve allowed the grief and sadness. I miss them so much.
In a little more than 12 month I’ve had 8 new cousins born Charlotte, Taylor, Liam, Chloe, Riley, Madelyn, Henry, Kenzie and 2 more on the way…
I bought a new car.
I’ve been to two great weddings, too many funerals, one graduation party, one divorce start over celebration, one week family vacation and one great bachelorette party.
I celebrated my 4 year wedding anniversary. Woohoo!
I’ve connected with some old friends and made lots of new ones.
Thanks for being part of my year! I’m looking forward to what 2015 has in store for us!
I hope your year is filled with love, laughter, prosperity and fun!
xoxo,
Shawna
Each year Christmas creeps up earlier and earlier. Soon we will start hearing about Christmas sales on the 4th of July.
It builds and builds and now on Thanksgiving afternoon/evening we are forgoing dinner with our families for early bird sales. Black Friday is now obsolete because it’s starting on Thanksgiving Day.
We make lists of everything that needs to get done: Christmas tree, decorate, lights outside, take a Christmas picture, buy cards, send Christmas cards, buy presents for everyone and their mother (teacher, mailman, garbage man, recycling man, boss, co-workers, babysitters, daycare providers, lawn mowers, neighbors, cashiers at the grocery store – I think you get my point) don’t forget to make cookies, plan dinners, lunches and parties – it can be so overwhelming.
Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. So I’ve decided to take it back and make it fun again and not stress. I’ve decided to do only what really makes me happy.
Here are my five tips for a more enjoyable and no stress holiday season:
Go Giftless. Instead of buying gifts for everyone on your list, make a donation to a charity or needy family. Tell everyone that you donated to charity in their honor this year. The feeling is unbelievable.
Get a group of friends together to volunteer to wrap presents to raise money for charity or stuff food bags for the needy. Your time is also a wonderful gift.
I realize that going giftless is hard to do when you have little kids, so maybe buy them a gift or two. They will still be overjoyed. It’s not about how much you get them or how many presents they get. It’s about making memories.
Give the gift of a random act of kindness. Buy coffee for the person in line behind you, leave a gift card with a note at the grocery store, send an anonymous note to someone telling them how special you think they are, make a payment on someone’s layaway, handout gift cards to people you see being kind to others and say thank you. There are a million different ways you can share the Christmas spirit.
Take a moment to really absorb the beauty around you. Look at the lights, the decorations, the joy, the kid’s excitement, the fun – really take it all in. Listen to the music. Sit back and just breathe and look all around you and marvel at how fantastic it is.
I love to sit on my sofa with my husband and our dog and just look at our Christmas tree. In the past, I never made time to just sit and enjoy it. I was always too busy with my list of things to do. There was no time for resting and I felt like I missed out on the reason I was doing all of those things to begin with.
Focus on what you have to be grateful for. Gratitude can shift your perspective. It’s one of the most powerful tools we have and it’s always available to us. I find that when I’m really stressed, if I can name three things I’m grateful for, it completely shifts my mood. You can always find something to be grateful for.
Spend time with the people you love. It’s about spending time with those people you love the most. They don’t necessarily have to be your family; they can be the family you choose. Maybe it’s your close friends or neighbors. I recently spent an afternoon into the evening with some of my closest friends and we had the best time. That’s what I needed. It was the greatest gift I could ask for. What a blessing!
My Christmas wish is that we embrace the giving, generosity and kindness all year long, not just in December. Imagine your holiday and your life with less stress and more meaning.
xoxo,
Shawna
This is the time of year when everyone is running around buying school supplies and bracing themselves for summer to end and school to start. This is the perfect time to make a vision board! It’s one of my favorite things to do.
A vision board is a collage of pictures or phrases that represent what you want in your life. It’s like a road map of where you’re heading. The purpose is to hang your “visions” where you will see it often and it will remind you about your roadmap or your intentions. It helps to align your intentions with your attention. And it’s just fun and beautiful! I love vision boards!
The key to making a really powerful vision board is to put images, pictures and words on it that make you FEEL happy, hopeful, excited, empowered, joyful, grateful, relaxed, cared for, etc… If you focus on the way you want to feel rather than just the material object, it’s much more powerful.
Maybe you want less stress or to exercise more, a dream vacation, a new car or to run a 10K. Anything you want to do, who you want to become, where you want to go… Put your thoughts, hopes, and desires on a board!
Focus on how you’ll feel when you take that dream vacation. My amazing friend and Master Coach Jessica Riesenbeck once told a story about how she wanted to take a dream trip to Hawaii. She said she knew her son would want to go surfing and so she choose pictures that made her feel overwhelming joy and happiness as if she were sitting on the beach watching her son surfing. That’s the kind of energy that you want to put into your board.
I made my last vision board in January 2014 when I hosted a vision board party. It was such a blast to sit around with friends and share our wishes, hopes and dreams and see them come together on a board.
A few of the things I put on my board (pictured above) were a beach house and Brené Brown. I chose the beach house because the beach is one of my favorite places and it makes me feel relaxed, peaceful and centered. I chose Brené Brown because I love her work and she has changed my life. When I see pictures of her, I’m reminded that I’m good enough.
Within 3 weeks of making my board, I got an opportunity to buy a beach place!!! The thought of actually owning a beach place never occurred to me. I just put the picture on the board because I loved the image and it made me feel so happy! Well I’m happy to report that I’m writing this while I’m sitting in my very own beach house! YAY!!!!
Within 5 months of making my board, I also had the incredible honor to meet Brené Brown in person. I wrote a blog about crying in her face…check it out…it wasn’t pretty or graceful but it was a dream come true. So in less than 6 months I bought a beach house and met my idol! Not too shabby!
You can have amazing results too. Make a family night out of it or make a girls night!
Back to school can be a fun and exciting time for some, but it can also be a stressful time for others. Vision boards would be great for kids starting a new grade or even a new school. This can help them focus on what they want to feel like in their new classroom or school rather than focusing on all the things they are nervous about.
To make a vision board all you need is the following:
- Poster board
- Glue stick or tape
- Scissors
- Magazines, pictures or other images
Good luck and have lots of fun! I look forward to seeing your creations and hearing your amazing stories!
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