Every year – every day really – I think about freedom. Actually freedom from my body.
Freedom from the negative thoughts.
Freedom from the sadness I feel about myself at times.
Freedom from uncomfortable clothes and self-violence.
Freedom to be who I am, right this minute without feeling I have to change to be accepted.
Freedom takes on a whole new meaning when you’re on a hit list. It’s no longer something that is just a word or a concept. It’s bigger than that. It’s not about focusing on the negative, but choosing to see the positive.
What other choice do I have? The concept of freedom got me thinking…
What do I want to be free from? For my entire life (at least since I was 10 years old), I had the belief that thin fixed everything. If I could just be thin, I would have it all. I would conquer the world. That may sound dramatic, but it’s true. I have always felt that I was missing one thing…being thin. But thinness has always been eluding me.
Then the unimaginable happened…I got a call from the FBI notifying me that my name has come up on a terrorist hit list or kill list. Wait. What?
After a lot of tears, phone calls and disbelief, I was able to verify this is not a hoax or a scam to steal my identity.
How could I turn this fear and sadness into something positive and productive? A while later, it occurred to me that there are few things more terrifying than being contacted by the FBI. Well, maybe 30 years of self-violence and hatred, but I realized that if terrorists are out to get me, I’ve been wasting my precious life worrying about my weight and hating myself.
It’s like a couple of years ago when a good friend, someone who was like a brother to me, passed away and I realized that I could die from something completely unrelated to weight. Life changing revelation.
You see, when you are overweight and you’re struggling, doctors and other people put the fear of God in you that if you don’t lose weight – you will die.
And that can be true. But you can also die a million other ways that don’t involve weight – like a car accident, brain aneurysm or a mass shooting at the mall. My weight has nothing to do with any of this.
I’ve been wasting so much time hating myself and not feeling good enough that I’ve missed out on a lot. All the places I didn’t go because I didn’t like the way I looked, all the times I stayed home because I didn’t feel comfortable in my clothes, all the events I missed because I was self-conscious.
NO MORE!
Over the last 4 years I’ve done a lot of work on unraveling the craziness around weight and body image for myself. I’ve been able to share that wisdom and heartfelt work with my clients, but there was always a lingering doubt that would pop up every now and again. I would get hooked and have to climb my way out of the negative nasty mess. I can get out much faster than before, but it still happens.
So I’m wondering if spending several hours crying about being on a hit list actually made me realize that there are so many other things – more important things to be constantly focused on – rather than weight and body hatred.
The answer is yes and here are some steps to body freedom:
- Don’t worry about what other think about you – it’s none of your business.
- Focus on what you love, not what you fear. Let your heart lead you towards the next great thing and don’t allow fear to have an opinion on what you want to do. Fear never wins. Love always wins!
- Choose your thoughts wisely. What you think becomes the house you live in…your thoughts matter.
- Be grateful for the amazing body that you have right now. It might now be where you want to be, but your body still does some amazing things for you each day. Thank it!
So I’m walking my talk. I’m taking my steps to body freedom and I’m declaring 2016 my freedom from body hatred. It’s a waste of time and I’m over it. I have more important things to do with my life. And I’m gonna do them!
Happy Independence Day!
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